February 3, 2010 11:38 PM PST
SIDETRACK: You are an admirable woman! Yes, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Our wants may be off track, and our needs are met. Despite our protests and fist pounding, things turn out the way they should, and we are right where we're supposed to be. I've learned to "Let go and let God."
I was married to a man for 21 years who abused me mentally, verbally, emotionally, and spiritually. He called me names, "brainwashed" me into thinking I was stupid, worthless, and unable to survive on my own. I was scolded, controlled, micromanaged, and manipulated. I wasn't "allowed" to go out with my friends for an evening, let alone for a weekend away. I worked full time and raised our 2 kids 99.9% (he at least gave me credit for that!) on my own. Needless to say, I snuck behind his back and put myself on the back of my friend's bike for some therapy on wheels.
I finally divorced him in 2005 and it was legally finalized in 2007. I broke off the shackles and spread my wings. I learned to ride my own bike in 2008. When my family met my b/f who is a 1%er, I was rejected and banned from joining the family as long as I was with him. Unfortunately, my daughter rejected me too. My son "tolerates" my lifestyle, but does not accept it.
Anxiety: Yup! When I was married, I had absolutely no money worries! He makes 3.5x more than I do, and still tries to manipulate me, telling me I should pay for this and that for our kids, that he is hurting and sacrificing!!! Meanwhile he takes 4 vacations per year (he'll be going to New Zealand this June!!), attends 16-20 Dodger games per year in seats that cost $380 per game, and just finished remodeling his kitchen and bathrooms. Meanwhile, I haven't had a raise since the early 1990s, got a 9% cut in pay back in the 90s, looking at a 2% cut in pay between now and May, and being threatened with a 12% cut starting in September! I bought a house that I love after I got my 1/4 of the estate after divorcing (he's a CPA and manipulated the numbers till I ended up with only 1/4), but can't afford heating, air conditioning, drapes, or to make repairs, and I haven't been on a vacation since I was married.
Despite my situation, I am eternally grateful for what I have! I have a home filled with positive energy, I am no longer (nor will I ever be, ever again) in an abusive relationship, I have a b/f that adores and respects me, I have my bike and a luxurious car, I am surrounded by people who love me, I have a job during this recession, and the list goes on!!!
Sidetrack, I'm with you! Blessings and love to you,
"Brat"
