Motorcycle Forums » Biker/Motorcycle Humor & Jokes

Just For

  • February 29, 2012 7:32 AM PST
    Just thought it might be fun to see some of the buttons, jokes and other stuff that could be classed as jokes etc ...I am starting with this one...

  • February 29, 2012 8:30 AM PST
  • March 1, 2012 6:05 AM PST

  • March 1, 2012 3:07 PM PST
    Come on everyone, You must have some of these things to
    this is how I got most of the ones I have now

    • 823 posts
    March 1, 2012 3:34 PM PST
    Jetman wrote...
    Come on everyone, You must have some of these things to
    this is how I got most of the ones I have now

    This is some funny shit right here!!!  I almost spewed my jack and coke!


    • 823 posts
    March 1, 2012 3:39 PM PST
  • March 1, 2012 5:56 PM PST
    Duh ya!

  • March 1, 2012 10:09 PM PST
  • Ry
    March 2, 2012 6:24 AM PST

  • March 2, 2012 7:16 AM PST
    Look at the ugly basket case in the middle at the
    back of this they get any uglier?

  • March 2, 2012 7:34 AM PST
  • March 2, 2012 7:35 AM PST
  • March 2, 2012 8:41 AM PST
    Heres a fact of life that EVERYONE should know..........

    Who is the most popular guy on the nudist beach???
    The one that can carry a dozen donuts and a cup of coffee....

    Who is the most popular girl???
    The one that can eat that LAST DONUT!!!
  • March 2, 2012 8:52 AM PST
    Colonoscopy Journal:

    I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

    A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly throughMinneapolis.

    Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

    I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

    I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies..

    I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

    Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began mypreparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

    Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

    The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humour, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'

    This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

    MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

    After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

    The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

    At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..

    Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep..
    At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

    When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point..

    Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

    There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

    'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me..

    'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

    I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

    Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

    On the subject of Colonoscopies...
    Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
    1. Take it easy Doc.. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before.

    2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

    3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

    4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

    5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

    6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

    7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

    8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

    9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

    10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

    11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

    12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

    And the best one of all:
    13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

  • March 2, 2012 8:57 AM PST
    A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read,"Free Sex with Fill-Up."

    Soon a local redneck, Billy Ray, pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

    The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said,"You were close! The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."

    a week later, Billy Ray, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.

    The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Billy Ray guessed 2 this time The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but NO free sex this time."

    As they were driving away, Billy Ray said to his brother, "I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away free sex."

    Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."

  • Ry
    March 2, 2012 9:04 AM PST
    Always check your children's homework....

  • March 2, 2012 12:56 PM PST

    From the Asheville Brewgrass Festival:sure looks like fun meet you there this summer

  • March 2, 2012 5:05 PM PST
    THIS is NOT what you might
    THINK it

    its actually a baby Giant Panda...look more
  • March 3, 2012 2:51 AM PST
  • March 3, 2012 2:52 AM PST
    • 314 posts
    March 4, 2012 1:43 AM PST
    that you in poster?
    • 823 posts
    March 4, 2012 2:26 AM PST
  • March 4, 2012 4:58 AM PST
  • March 4, 2012 4:59 AM PST
  • March 4, 2012 5:00 AM PST