Don't follow in my footsteps-I think I stepped in something!

I know I have and some was not pleasant..

To all my ex's (in Kansas not Texas) : Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

You wouldnt know crazy if Charles Manson was eating Fruit Loops on your front porch.....
-Mike Muir

whether the rock hits the pitcher, or the pitcher hits the rock, it's still going to be bad for the pitcher. Pancho

Grab a hold of reality and CHOKE it to death!! is my fave, but the other is: A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a great friend will be sitting next to you saying " D*** that was fun!"

If at first you don't succeed get a bigger hammer!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sears Automotive training manual!

"If you screw up tell me about it as soon as you know about it. - We will work it out together. - Lie to me & I will fire you before the end of the day"

Me to all new hires

"That's gonna cost extra, GI" - A nice young lady in an establishment in Thailand

"if you can read this, the bitch fell off" t-shirt bought right after the divorce went final!

I have the Pu--y, I make the rules..a helmet sticker..

"A bird in the hand is good for some, but I'd rather have the bush". - Chuck Barris

Here kitty kitty kitty.
ALF

Now get those wagons in a circle ...lest you want to be wearing arrow shirts.
John Wayne

Dragon

If you are going to really use them, then your gonna break a few. Craftsman toolman

About the time my age reached double digits figured out;
Was bound to be whipped w/ something THEREFORE pick the softest thing available to be whipped with

My father told me when i was young "You must remember (3) things in life 1)eat slowley, savor the flavor.2)take your time in the bathroom, and a paper.3)Spend alot of time with your woman.In other words slow down life runs along so fast it's over before you know it."He past away last year and i think he lived his life that way.

Take no sh*t, make no excuses.

Man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.

Kind man give his wife grand piano, wise man give her upright organ.

Elevator smell different to midget.

Baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!

People who think they know everything, really bother those of us that do!

who said playing with your food is not fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
here kitty kitty kitty.

ALF