Motorcycle Forums » Off Topic

So you're single and involved with a married man

  • July 16, 2010 1:17 AM PDT
    If you are single and thinking you are in love with a married man, let me assure you, you are not with a great man.

    Don't fool yourself.

    And, let's be clear... he is not with you because his wife is a horrible, uncaring person who doesn't understand him.

    He is with you because he is not a great man!

    If he were, he would invest the time he is spending with you on his family, get some counseling, do what he could to save the relationship, and after every possible hope disappeared, and he is still unable to have a healthy marriage, he would get a divorce BEFORE he started his affair with you!

    And one more thing, you are not more interesting, attractive, or fabulous than his wife. While it may give you a little thrill to think you are so much better than his wife, and he is so much more in love with you than the women to whom he is married, he is not with you because you are so great. He is with you because he doesn't want to invest in his marriage, he likes the sexual variety, or just wants some diversion.

    You are just a distraction, something different, someone to boost his ego and placate his wandering lust.

    I know, I know... he tells you he loves you, that his wife is frumpy, dowdy, or not what she once was or tired of her bitching. Well, she probably has been taking of things he's failed to do. Working long hours to crawl out from underneath the financial debt he's created from spending the joint account on motels, excursions, dinners and bar tabs, and to create a home while he is out with you having some extra sex on the side.

    I know he says that he wants to be with you but he can't hurt his wife, or it is not the right time, or he is just waiting until the divorce is final, or whatever.

    The excuses are many and are routine, rote, and common. Nothing new, nothing original, and nothing true.

    How many women had affairs with married men and ended up happily married to them? Hard to say. I've never met one. Maybe it has happened a few times over the expanse of human history but changes are virtually nil that it will happen to you.

    Why not step back, be honest with yourself, reflect on what you are doing to a family, to children, and to another woman. And, why not take an honest look at yourself and see why it is you are letting yourself be used by a man who promised to love and cherish his wife.

    Are you so desperate that you don't think you could find a good man? Do you really think this guy is going to all of a sudden become great once he leaves his wife and family? Do you feel good about yourself when you think about what you are doing to his innocent children? Can you release selfishness and find it in your heart to live in the highest good? Can you stop fooling yourself enough to realize that this is not the way to find a great man or start a healthy and happy relationship?

    Does it feel good to be deceptive? To lie? To damage a family? Do you think this man who would betray his wife and children is really even remotely decent or has any sense of integrity or morality? Do you not care that he is not trustworthy, honest, respectful, or caring?

    If you are single and with a married man, open your eyes, move on, and find a truly great man.

    And then it takes a wise woman to realize this low life scum is best kicked her cheating husband to the curb and enjoy life in peace.
     
  • July 16, 2010 1:46 AM PDT
    Amen Sister!!!
    • 413 posts
    July 16, 2010 1:48 AM PDT
    Whatever is happening in yer life sister; I sincerely hope ya find peace and love. Be strong, stay strong, and the very best to ya
    • 2072 posts
    July 16, 2010 2:20 AM PDT
    Very well said !!!!!!!!!!!
  • July 16, 2010 2:40 AM PDT
     Jesus, y'all need ta keep this gal away from the Butcher knives and fer God's sake don't let her around any firearms!
    • Moderator
    • 16755 posts
    July 16, 2010 2:50 AM PDT
    FxrDude wrote...
    Whatever is happening in yer life sister; I sincerely hope ya find peace and love. Be strong, stay strong, and the very best to ya


    Been on the other end of that scenario myself. Healing wishes for you.

    • 352 posts
    July 16, 2010 2:51 AM PDT
    I've hung with my wife for 30+ years now...mainly cause I'm afraid of woman like that - (just kidding)

    sounds like she found out some of life's lessons the hard way.
  • July 16, 2010 2:51 AM PDT
    bikersarge1 wrote...
     Jesus, y'all need ta keep this gal away from the Butcher knives and fer God's sake don't let her around any firearms!

    Well, my lily livered cheating ex took all the guns with him when he left (probably a good thing, too), but I do have a fairly good collection of hunting knives scattered around the house! Thought about getting someone to teach me how to throw knives..............might be fun!! LOL 
  • July 16, 2010 2:58 AM PDT
    Jessica will be stopping by in a couple of weeks SideTrack.... Y'all get ta throwing knives and I'm haulin ass! Mine!
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    • 1507 posts
    July 16, 2010 4:33 AM PDT
    On the flip side,, you have to look to see why in the world you were with an unavailable man in the first place. We all do things, whether on purpose or sub-conscientiously that may not be good for us. It is a whole lot easier to move forward to better things if we figure out why we do certain things.

    I wish you luck!
  • July 16, 2010 4:42 AM PDT
    bikersarge1 wrote...
    Jessica will be stopping by in a couple of weeks SideTrack.... Y'all get ta throwing knives and I'm haulin ass! Mine!

    Oh come on Sarge!!! We can have fun!! Me and Jess will just stand you up in front of a piece of ply wood and start throwing!!! I promise not to wear a blind fold. You could put one on if you don't want to watch!!! LOL  
  • July 16, 2010 5:02 AM PDT
    debrajo62 wrote...
    On the flip side,, you have to look to see why in the world you were with an unavailable man in the first place. We all do things, whether on purpose or sub-conscientiously that may not be good for us. It is a whole lot easier to move forward to better things if we figure out why we do certain things.

    I wish you luck!

    You have a good point there Deb. We all need self reflextion to try and not make the same mistakes. Obviously some sort of need is being fullfilled, even if its not the right one. I know in my case, my ex was an expert secret keeper and was able to live a double life without giving any clues away. There is a lacking in consiousness that creates guilt.  
    At this point I'm glad he's gone and I'm able to move on. I'm confident the man for me is out there and I can and will have a relationship with a man where there will be no secrets or distrust. Lots of love and lots of laughter!!!
    • Moderator
    • 1507 posts
    July 16, 2010 5:33 AM PDT
    Well Deb, I am pretty sure you will find the right one for you. After all you are on the best biker site with the best people.. so you have a huge chance for success!

    Besides you are a great person, and have learned so much from what you have been through. Maybe we could start a application process where interested bikers can fill out an application for your attention. Then we can all give our approval or disapproval.

    Heheheh that could be pretty fun!
  • July 16, 2010 6:20 AM PDT
    I'll take 2 blindfolds but, you guys still ain't throwning no knives at me... Remember the movie "The Jerk"? Well I don't have a dog named "shithead" and I don't take little paper umbrellas in my drinks! Nooope! Ain't happening.... I know the difference between Shit and Shine-ola!
  • July 16, 2010 6:24 AM PDT
    debrajo62 wrote...
    Well Deb, I am pretty sure you will find the right one for you. After all you are on the best biker site with the best people.. so you have a huge chance for success!

    Besides you are a great person, and have learned so much from what you have been through. Maybe we could start a application process where interested bikers can fill out an application for your attention. Then we can all give our approval or disapproval.

    Heheheh that could be pretty fun!


    You are right there...I couldn't have found a better place to meet someone and get to know them, with similar interests and gain mutual respect.

    And,  your idea sounds like it could be fun.
  • g
    July 16, 2010 6:59 AM PDT
    what if....................ur both married ..?? ,is that still bad .
    • 413 posts
    July 16, 2010 7:07 AM PDT
    g wrote...
    what if....................ur both married ..?? ,is that still bad .

    Hey g; just tell her "I ain't married, but my wife is."        

  • g
    July 16, 2010 7:10 AM PDT
    ok ,ill do that the morn ,b4 or after sex ??
  • g
    July 16, 2010 7:11 AM PDT
    im sorry ......but this is no what u post on a bike site ................is it ??
  • g
    July 16, 2010 7:13 AM PDT
    like i say .....................any holes a goal .
  • July 16, 2010 7:14 AM PDT
    Hey "g"... b4, during.... and after.... that way yer covered....  Ahhh.... I forgot to mention "g"....  Probably in Blood!
  • July 16, 2010 9:41 AM PDT
    Thank god married women don't **** around on their husbands. Must just be us lowly men
  • July 16, 2010 10:13 AM PDT
    ukonjak wrote...
    Thank god married women don't **** around on their husbands. Must just be us lowly men

    No, I don't think any of us are sexist enough to cop to that! There are plenty of equal opportunity unfaithful out there. I'm just relating to my experience with my ex-husband. If I was a lesbian and had a cheating partner in that relationship, it would be the same betrayal.  
    As you can see in an earlier post by Rex, he just went to through the same experience with his ex-wife. We are not discriminating by any means.
  • July 16, 2010 12:16 PM PDT
    I thought Dear Abbey died? can always go Leszbo....
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    • 1507 posts
    July 16, 2010 12:24 PM PDT
    Seriously Deb, you are right.. we all know plenty of people who have gone thru this or are the cheater. Personally I do not have enough energy for two.. geezzz.. no thanks..