Motorcycle Forums » Biker/Motorcycle Humor & Jokes

You Know Your A Biker

    • 5417 posts
    March 5, 2009 10:37 AM PST

    You know you're a biker if...

     

    • Your wife has ever asked you to move the bike so she could see the TV better.
    • You have ever had to borrow a helmet for your date. 
    • Your best friends are named after reptiles. 
    • You own more black T-shirts then underwear. 
    • Taking your wife on a cruise means a putt down the interstate. 
    • Sturgis is your dream vacation. 
    • You ever quit a job to go to Sturgis. 
    • You only took the job to pay for your trip to Sturgis. 
    • Your only three piece suit is a leather jacket, leather vest and chaps.
    • Your ol' lady can only eat a hot dog if it's suspended from a string above your bike.
    • You buy your 3-year old niece a Harley Davidson t-shirt. 
    • You can identify bugs by taste. 
    • You think BLACK & ORANGE would make nice house colors. 
    • You think GOD invented winter just as a good time to get your bike painted.
    • People know your a biker even when you don't want them to. 
    • One of your children or pets have either "Harley" or "Davidson" in their name.
    • People have nearly died of starvation looking at all of your bike/run pictures.
    • Over half the pictures you take have your bike in it.
    • You stare longer at the pictures of the bikes in Easyriders than the naked women.
    • You don't go a day without wearing something that says "Harley Davidson".
    • The weather is too bad for riding and you start your bike and sit on it in the garage.
    • You get hit by a car, break your leg, then tell the nice police officer, "I'm fine I can ride home".
    • You see no use in going to a bar without bikes in front.
    • You dream of owning a Harley dealership.
    • You have a refrigerator in the garage just for beer.
    • You pile boxes and laundry on your car, but your bike must have 6 feet or clearance in the garage.
    • Everytime you hear a vehicle with headers you look for a Harley.
    • When you plan a vacation you set up time to visit the bike shops first.
    • You have all the tools to work on every Harley ever made, but not any to work on your ol'ladys car.
    • It's impossible to see out of your car or trucks rear window because of all the Harley stickers.
    • You refer to your bike as if it had a legal first name
    • You have a heater in your garage so you can work on your bike(s) when it's cold.
    • Your Christmas list has no words, just part numbers.
    • Every magazine you subscribe to has the word "Biker" on it somewhere.
    • One area of your house (other then the garage) is decorated in a motorcycle motif.
    • Everytime you spend money, you think about what you coulda bought for your bike.
    • They celebrate your birthday at the Harley store.
    • You think 'Helmet Hair' is a fashion statement.
    • You encourage your kids to go to the Motorcycle Mechanic's Institute instead of college.
    • Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
    • You fainted when you met Willie G.
    • Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
    • You've spent more on your motorcycle than your Education
    • You have at least one ashtray which is actually a motorcycle part.
    • You think that the Harley-Davidson plant should be one of the 7-wonders of the world.
    • When she says "It's the bike or me!!" you have to think about it really hard.
    • You spend more time polishing your bike than caressing your woman
    • You have more locks on your bike than you do your house.
    • Anyone who doesn't ride is just 'ok'.
    • You can think of at least ten things we forgot on this page.
       
    • 81 posts
    March 5, 2009 3:35 PM PST

    Yep, my ol' man fits at least 90% of those - and I'm not kiddin'

  • March 15, 2009 12:42 PM PDT

    That's pretty good Lucky, I like that list... there's just one thing about it though. Well, actually two things...

    1. Willie G. Davidson is a ****ing idiot, and I do have one of his bar & shield stickers in the back window of my truck, upside-down!

    2. I didn't see any veteran related statements on your list. Most of my closest biker bro's are veterans! I dunno, something about a biker who served his country just deserves way more respect than others. Don't you agree?

    Other than that, ....yeah, it's kinda funny, a little Jeff Foxworthy-ish though.

  • March 23, 2009 5:40 AM PDT
    lol... funny list...
    • 1161 posts
    November 19, 2009 6:26 PM PST
    that is 2 good im alot of it and i dont even have a bike yet lol!
  • November 22, 2009 4:11 AM PST
    IF YOU HAVE TO REMOVE THE BUGS FROM YOUR FACE AND CHEST BEFORE ENTERING THE COURTHOUSE....YOU MIGHT BE A BIKER
    • 1042 posts
    November 22, 2009 10:35 AM PST
    laying in bed your ole lady asks, "Honey can we do it tonight?" You reply, "After you put on your chaps."....YOU MIGHT BE A BIKER!
  • May 19, 2014 1:03 PM PDT
    When your dress shoes are your good pair of boots.
    You know that Marlin Brando rode a Triumph in "The wild Ones."
    You know that the difference between a Harley & a Hoover is that the "dirtbag" is in a diifernt spot.
    When anyone of your bikes is worth more than your car.
    When she says "It's the bike or me!!" and you hand her the bus schedule.
    The first thing you ask when you regain consciousness is "How's my bike?"
    You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wall space is taken up by your bikes.
    You actually move farther form work so your bike commute will be longer.
    You call off the wedding because your intended refuses to put her dress in the saddle bag.
    Your arms are tan.......on the top side only.
    • 44 posts
    May 20, 2014 1:15 AM PDT
    I thought I had some incurable illness but after reading this list I see I gonna live I am normal thanks doctor lucky. I gota an idea let's post some pics to prove you fit on the list I will post later some and yes I have had to go through the sun roof of the truck to get in and out but the bikes have 6ft of clearance dog named Harley the bathroom is Harley orange with black trim got more black shirts then I can count.
    • 44 posts
    May 20, 2014 1:15 AM PDT
    I thought I had some incurable illness but after reading this list I see I gonna live I am normal thanks doctor lucky. I gota an idea let's post some pics to prove you fit on the list I will post later some and yes I have had to go through the sun roof of the truck to get in and out but the bikes have 6ft of clearance dog named Harley the bathroom is Harley orange with black trim got more black shirts then I can count.
    • 2970 posts
    May 21, 2014 6:16 AM PDT
    Here is one : You worry going to sleep in the bedroom,about your ride being safe in the living room !!!

    stay safe & enjoy the ride!!!
    • 1 posts
    May 23, 2014 3:22 AM PDT
    When she says "It's the bike or me!!" you have to think about it really hard.

    You have to think about it? lol