I gots to tell ya, that there are some days when I wanna do something, or react to something in a way not quite befitting, my spiritual beliefs.  And I'm not proud of that.  On the contrary, lately, it's all I can do, not to revert to behavior that's come close, to having my azz jailed, on occasion.  And I can't figure out, why I let something, or someone, so petty (in the first place), bother me, to this point.  True, I've been put thru the wringer lately, true my life ain't goin', no where near how I'd like it to.  But I didn't let shit build up, I didn't let pithy crap like this, bother me... I'm startin' to think that I'm suffering from some mild/moderate form of depression.  I can't seem to shut down feelin's that wanna take me over some kinda edge.  And, you can't pull yourself back, when you've gone over.  Ya know?  I'm being "tried", and I know it.  One too many more "tries", and it's gonna get ugly.
That's one of the reasons, I come home to CF, everyday.  I know there are GOOD people here.  People who care, and will listen. People who make me LAUGH, and feel good about myself.  And that, brings out the best in me.  Now...if I could only bottle this feeling, and take it with me.  Or have reserve on tap, when that SOMETHING gets up in my face.
Til that happens, I'll run to Ya'll every damn time...

RIDE FREE  
TWEEK

TWEEK OLD LOVE YOU AINT ROBINSON CRUSOE IN THIS ONE.AS YOU KNOW I HAVE HAD A SHIT RAT ARSED DRIVE ME INSANE RUN OVER THE LAST 12 MONTHS OR SO..IT ALL CAME TO A HEAD LAST WEEK WHEN WE WERE AT A PARTY AND I FELT MYSELF GONNA EXPLODE..I WAS IN THE POOL WITH ABOUT 10 KIDS USING ME AS A JUMPING CASTLE AND I DECIDED I BETTER GO FOR SOME QUIET TIME..SO I GRABBED A BEER AND WENT AND SAT IN THE GARDEN,,WELL THE KIDS DIDNT STOP AND I FRIGGIN LOST IT..I YELLED AT MY MATES KID AND THREATENED TO SMACK HER ARSE..WELL IT ALL TURNED UGLY AND WE ENDED UP IN A BIG ARGUMENT AND HAVE LOST SOME OF OUR BEST FRIENDS OVER MY EXPLOSION.THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW AND I REALIZED I REALLY NEED HELP..I HAVE BOOKED IN TO SEE A FRIGGIN SHRINK AND TRY TO RESOLVE SOME OF MY ANGER ISSUES AND SHORT FUSE..THERE AINT ANYTHING WRONG WITH SEEKING HELP MATE.I JUST WISH I DID THIS BEFORE I SCREWED UP A GREAT FRIENDSHIP AND HURT PEOPLES FEELINGS..ALL THAT KNOW ME KNOW THAT THIS IS REALLY OUTTA CHARACTER FOR ME.SHIT KIDS LOVE ME AND I LOVE THEM BUT SOMETHING JUST WENT POP IN MY HEAD AND ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH..I HAVE TAKEN ALOT OF SHIT IN MY STRIDE LATELY AND NOW ITS TIME TO GET RID OF IT ALL AND BECOME HAPPY GO LUCKY AGAIN..WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE AND NO ONE JUDGES TOO HARSHLY SO YOU CAN AIR YOUR CONCERNS HERE AND GET GOOD FEED BACK FROM PEOPLE WHO CARE..CHEERS BOOF

Lots o' shoulders here Tweek and we all care.

Peace

Tweek....... Sweetie, believe me, you are not alone in this sometimes screwed up world. This has been a crap year for a lot of us. The economy sucks........ jobs aren't out there....... people's nerves have just about been ground to nothing and the list goes on. I'm in the process of having to bring legal action against my Brother, something I NEVER thought I would have to do. He is so screwed up on pot and abusing prescription drugs that his whole perception of reality has gone berserk. He had our Mother living with him and his wife (another complete story) until she had a stroke and had to be put into a rest home. She said somethings to my Brother's wife that "Hurt her feelings" (Good Lord, Mom's 85 years old with a diminished mental state) and now they have decided she is a terrible Mother that doesn't deserve to have a son !!!! I took over all of her medical & legal care only to find out that my Brother & his wife have drained her life savings and left her penniless !!! And now they won't even let me retrieve her belongings from their home (What the hell are they gonna do with HER clothes, make-up, books ect !!!). I am NOT a violent person by any means but it has taken EVERY bit of strength to NOT go over and stomp a mud hole in his ass !!!!!
Bottom line Tweek......... No matter what happens in life there is someone out there that needs you (Don't know what my Mom would do if I bailed). ALWAYS remember also, God will NEVER put more on your shoulders that HE can manage. Ya just gotta have some faith and leave it to Him !!!

Hey Tweek

You sound like your being honest w/yourself and recognizing the source of your depression.If you need some counseling there should be some sort of public access to it even in Florida I think? They have phone help lines out here us poor folks can call,or even check at the local hospital for any outpatient programs?

I feel your pain,and wish there was something I could say to ease it,yet the only thing I can think of,is remember there are a lot of folks here who sympathize & will offer some sound advice on how to deal with it.Lot of us consider you as a friend and will offer just abt anything to help,(even offer their first born; just ask !!! ; ) go ahead!! ASK!!

Stay Safe n Enjoy the Ride !

It is called frustration my brother .... I am the same way... nothing bothers me, really nothing at all... but sometimes some little thing makes me want to really hurt someone. I have found that the way I deal with stress and crap that happens in my life is just put it aside as we do that it becomes the avalanche ready to trigger over the slightest trigger.
We are not friends, as I read the posts above I find that I am the new guy without many friends, same in real life, not many friends there either... Because I am rather flat, you ask I answer the way it was explained to me 'Jim you have no clutch' lol!
Bro you have to vent the little shit that piles up to make big shit and will really punch you in the gut,.....

Jim

I agree with all the advice here, but woman to woman, sometimes we carry so many more burdens than we were designed to carry. Just know there are people here who'll listen! My theory is if you didn't cause the problem, and ya cant change it, leave it alone, its not yours to deal with....loose it and let it go...

Tweek just wanted you to know i was thinking about you. Im right there with everone else little things are starting to set me off and i have blown up at friends that didnt have it coming over nothing. I have buried three of my friends in the last three months. Just know im throwing up prayers for all of us

Awe. SEE?  That's just WHY I come here, to my HOME...Cyclefish.  BOOF, I knows I ain't alone on Treasure Island, I know your just over that rise... Blvdcruiser, I'm sorry you're gettin' it from all sides, too. Percy...man, what can I say,  my loss, wasn't the same, just really painful.  And for anyone else who posted, or is thinkin' about it, I want you to know, that even tho, my situation sucks, it's with the help and advice from Ya'll, that I'll weather this here storm.  Well that and just one more thing....*see the latest blog (muahaaahaaaahaaaaa!)  Love alla You'se! 

Ride Free 
TWEEK

At your best or worst, We'll be your friends anytime Kiddo. We all are trying to survive this wild ride. Don't ever give up, We're here for ya.

Medic


Ride Hard and Have Fun

always here for you if you need to talk.......you know where to find me.....

At this particular time & place if you ain't depressed you aren't paying enough attention

Tweek, we are all being stretched to the limit the last few years. No matter how hard we pedal we feel like we are going backwards. It seem those things that are needing our attention are just asking for attention they are screaming demanding attention and now. If feels at times that we are surrounded by selfish, demanding, pushy angry people that demand patients but give zero patients in return. I have found that some of the things of the information age add to the frustration. So, I've gotten rid of texting, some times I just turn off my phone, remember just a few years ago when ya didn't have a cell phone? I walk away from the computer, I don't watch any news I just turn those items off and do a day of peace and me. Like take a long bath, do something I want to do for a change, go do some silly stuff, just read a book, I try to do this once a week, even if its only for 12 hours or something. I found that I do feel better and have closer "real life" relationship with family and friends. Its kind of like I hit the slow button. Then I have time to fix the things that need fixing, discard the stuff that's use less, and unload the items of stress, anger, and frustration. Other that doing this form me Seeking help is always a good Idea sometime just a session or two is needed other times it years of help. I wish for you much peace in the days ahead. have a great one "T"

Aw Sister Tweek, I gotta say 'Been there, bought the tee shirt, wore it out and gave it to the VOA.' Oh, you can still get a rise outta me, BUT I now have a way of 'handling' a situation/person. If it starts spiraling outta control, I STOP and say "Let stop. Can we start again?" or something like it. I actively don't want to get mad... I'll look at the person and say something that let's them know that I want to move on, right after we fix the problem. YOU have to find that cool, ohm-place to deal with situations and people.
BOOF, I'm proud of ya going in to see a shrink about your anger issues. I went when I was around 35 years old and I found out some stuff about how I dealt with memories from the past had an influence in how I handled stuff NOW. Also gave me some pills to take every day. Lithium... It has had the coolest effect on me. If somebody had stolen my jacket (like happened to you) I would go get it back. The thing is I probably wouldn't have hit the two 'perps' more than twice a piece. So you see how that could be a good thing.... right? Anyway, I went an saw a counselor (psychologist) and he walked me thru some of the hardest times and then helped me to see when and why my anger would trigger... Always with bad consequences for all involved. I was a punch first, f*ck asking questions later kinda guy. After I had spent 10 months in county jail for beating a guy, the court ordered me to take 'Anger Management' classes. So I took THREE classes until I started to 'Get It'. It helped that the teacher was a pretty lil' sheila and seemed to like me!
Oh, to the person that believes God won't put more on yer shoulders than you can manage... got news for ya, folks that suicide... They had more than they could bear, didn't they? I'm not sure where that fits in a Christian Belief System. They were 'lost', couldn't see/lost focus... What was it?
My Belief System sez that, yes folks can get too much piled up. They can lose their way but thru Faith and Belief, a way can be found to cope. It's a Native American way for me that works.
Here's wishing my Sister Tweek a way to Cope and see clearly what is happening. May your days be filled with Understanding and clear vision. Also, it don't hurt to figure out EXACTLY what you want and then "Ask For It"... right?
As always, I'm the
EdgeWalker

Savage...true that! 
"T" for Tumbles...I meditate on pretty much a daily basis. ( I don't have my Harley, yet, so I find my quiet place, do some "LIGHT" reading, and LISTEN.  (OK, ok...try to listen..lol)

Edgewalker...can't say as I "addressed" whatever it was (and I know what it was) that made me so angry, back in the day.  I can tell you that there are some things, medicine can't cure.  And I've talked as much about it, as I'm goin' to. 
But I understand, what works for any one of us, IS THE ROAD, THAT WE, PERSONALLY, NEED TO TAKE.

Things are gonna be fine.  Some people make it hard to "love" on 'em.  But that don't mean, I'll totally throw in the towel.  God has been teaching me about patience, for a while now, and I'm sometimes a slow learner.  It took not gettin' my heart's desire, (the Harley), to learn me that, sometimes I'm just going to have to wait for some things. 
Livin' the way that I want to live, without benefit of petulant/dissagreeble roomies...is one of 'em. 
It'll happen. Cause,THIS TOO, SHALL PASS!  

RIDE FREE  
TWEEK