Motorcycle Forums » Biker/Motorcycle Humor & Jokes

XXX Mature Audiences Only XXX

    • 611 posts
    January 17, 2012 4:59 PM PST
    1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory....I don't remember what I chose.

    2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

    3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

    4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

    5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

    6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

    7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

    8. Virginity can be cured.

    9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

    10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

    11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

    12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

    13. Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

    14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

    15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

    16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
          Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

    17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

    So my Friends, The thing to understand is that it's not the size of the sword, but the fury of the attack... unless all you have is a dagger... then its thrust thrust thrust....
    • 395 posts
    January 18, 2012 12:22 AM PST
    your so bad!!!!!...i could comment on a few of those..hahahaha, but i think i'll just smile and keep walking..thanks....
  • January 18, 2012 7:24 AM PST
    LOL..... very good and funny.
    • 2962 posts
    January 18, 2012 12:14 PM PST
    Loved this,#11 great !!! LOL
    • 658 posts
    January 19, 2012 12:32 AM PST
    Excelent!!!!
    • 7 posts
    January 19, 2012 12:48 AM PST
    OMGoodGolly......Buahaahaaahaaaa!!!!
    Thanks, Edge. That was JUST what I needed! This day is gonna rock!

    Ride Free
    Tweek ;)
    • 6 posts
    January 19, 2012 12:32 PM PST
     THE OFFICIAL MALE SENSITIVITY TEST 


    1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: 

    A. Lovemaking. 
    B. Screwing. 
    C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. 


    2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: 

    A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. 
    B. Your blood-test results. 
    C. Five tequila slammers. 


    3. You time your orgasm so that: 

    A. Your partner climaxes first. 
    B. You both climax simultaneously 
    C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center. 


    4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: 

    A. Healthy, creative love-play. 
    B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to. 
    C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about. 


    5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is: 

    A. The best part of the experience. 
    B. The second best part of the experience. 
    C. $100 extra. 


    6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. 
    You tell her that it is: 

    A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her. 
    B. Not a problem, she can join your gym 
    C. A conservative estimate 


    7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is: 

    A. A myth. 
    B. An oxymoron. 
    C. A moron. 


    8. Foreplay is to sex as: 

    A. An appetizer is to entree. 
    B. Primer is to paint. 
    C. A long line is to an amusement park ride. 


    9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? 

    A. "I hope we can still be friends." 
    B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep." 
    C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU." 


    10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: 

    A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy. 
    B. Is uptight and a waste of time. 
    C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place. 

    Evaluating Results: 
    If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure 
    you really ARE a man. 
    If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused. 

    If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!!"
    • Moderator
    • 1507 posts
    January 19, 2012 12:57 PM PST
    OMG, those were both funny..
    1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

    C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
    ahahahahahah
    • 611 posts
    January 19, 2012 5:18 PM PST
    Awww Savage! Those are great! Laffed hard at most of 'em... I was kinda taken aback when I realized I have become more of a "C" guy than I used to be... 'cept for 3 & 8, they are both B... What? TMI....?
    Thanx for sharing...
    Edge... Da Man!
    • 6 posts
    January 20, 2012 11:19 AM PST

    A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City . The taxi driver, who happened to be an old Jewish man, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.


    She said to him, "What's wrong with you honey? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

    The old man said "Lady, I'm not staring at you, I am telling you, that would not be proper where I come from".

    She said, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs sweetie, what are you doing then?"

    He said, "Well, I am looking and I'm looking, and I am thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping her money to pay for this ride."

    • 658 posts
    January 20, 2012 12:11 PM PST
    Savage, I thought those were great!!    But it just hit me, I might have Jewish realitives in my bloodline. LOL

    Medic