I'm not quite sure why I titled this the way I have, because there's really no countdown when I think of it. The last year has held quite an itinerary for us on our journey together. Not exactly one I'd like to repeat, but one I also wouldn't trade for the world... the universe, if it were offered. We were meant to experience these things, meant to feel the emotions that we've felt, and meant to grow and learn from these experiences that we were gifted with... to, from, and with one another.
On December 3, 2009, I married my best friend. As I've mentioned before, he's not just my best friend. He's my lover, my soul mate, my muse, my foundation, my strength, and so much more. Don't get me wrong, I'm about as strong a person as you're ever going to find. But when Ron and I became a couple, I found strength even I didn't know I possessed.
Not because he got sick. Let me put and end to that thought right here and now.
I've always been a strong person. I've always been able to get through whatever life threw at me and kick it in the ass and start over. My whole "Good Morning, World!!!" philosophy is something I've lived by since I was a child. But true strength isn't about surviving or "getting through," it's about seeing the potential in an experience and living it for all it's worth. Every, and yes I do mean EVERY, situation has a positive side to it, if you'll simply just look. No, I mean REALLY look... don't just assume it's there or figure it's going to pop out and yell, "Here I am!!!" Sometimes you do have to look for it. Sometimes you have to search. And sometimes, you have to turn over every stone, look behind every tree, and finally realize it's been there hiding in your tears the entire time.
Yes, the last year, well, year and a half really, have been stressful. Twice before we were even married, doctors told me Ron would not live through the night. Twice, I told them to go to hell. We've struggled financially and had it not been for our family and a few friends (you know who you are), there's no way we could have even fed our family, let alone paid the bills. We've been back-stabbed by "friends" who promised to be there for us, we've provided a place to live for more than one, only to be screwed over in the end. But you know what? Neither of us has any regrets about the choices we've made and the things we've done, because something good always came out of it.
Although there were times that we considered never helping anyone again, that's just not us. It's not who and what we are and so when someone needs a hand, we figure we've got four strong, capable ones between us, so who are we to deny anyone what they need if we have the ability to help them?
So yeah, I'm getting off on a tangent here, but I typically do when I write, so please bear with me yet again.
Anyway... I've had many ask me why Ron and I are renewing our vows only a year after we've been married. And my answer? Why not? Each and every day is a reaffirmation of our love and commitment to one another and on our anniversary, what better way to share it with family and friends and renew that commitment in a public setting?
Have we had "issues" that require is to reevaluate and reaffirm our vows? Nope.
Each breath that we take, each heart beat, each blink of our eyes, each moment that we live is a testament to our love, commitment, and devotion to one another. Every day is a gift for us, and we know this all too well. And every morning we awaken and unwrap that gift with only great, wonderful, positive, and optimistic expectations (I got that "gift" concept from my husband Ron, pretty damn cool, isn't it!!!).
Sure, "shit happens" throughout the day, that's just life. But how we respond, not react, to that shit, defines us as positive and optimistic. Even in times where there seemed to be no hope, there was hope. When there is darkness, there is always light. And when there are tears, there's always a shoulder, somewhere, even if over the phone, the internet, a thought, or a prayer.
Ron and I often say that it's all about the journey, not the destination and we live by that. We have to. It's the only realistic and reasonable process by which to think, at least for us, anyway. If you're on the way to "somewhere," and you arrive, the journey is over. There are stops along the way for us, there are hills, twist, turns, valleys, mountains, rain, sleet, lightening, or whatever other "negative" you can come up with to try and impede our adventure. That's just all part of the journey. We don't live or love by "what if..."
There's going to be inclement weather on this road, that's half the fun of it! Finding an overpass to seek shelter under and who knows what we'll find or who we'll meet? Wondering if the wind is going to be so strong that the bike tips back and forth... the scents it brings, the cloud formation it makes, giving me yet another reason on my list of millions, to hold even tighter to the man I love. There's going to be sand, pot holes, and wildlife causing us to swerve and catch our breath... it's all part of the ride and if we hadn't jogged to the left to miss the deer, we may not have noticed the beautiful shooting star that passed to the East just as the sun slipped beneath the evening sky.
And the nail in the tire? The rain in the saddle bags? Well, while we stopped to get it fixed, we had the best supper at the little mom and pop restaurant off the last paved road in BFE and met up with the most interesting man who was probably born around the time of Christ who told us stories of his childhood, how he fought in the war, came home to desolation, never got wealthy but always had what he needed, and told us "kids" what a good looking couple we were (no, that didn't happen, but close...). There's always something good, if you just look with the right eyes to find them.
What negative most see, we choose to see the positive. When others are pessimistic, we choose to be optimistic. Yes, it really is that easy! Not saying there are times we don't struggle, but the strength we have together, on the foundation of our friendship that has grown into the love we share today, we are unbreakable, unstoppable, and invincible.
So "only" a year later, we stood with our arms around each other, as you'll often find us, and renewed our vows and reaffirmed our love, devotion, and commitment to one another because we wanted to. In the presence of our family who could be there and our pastor from Topeka, we spoke the words that we live each and every day of our lives.
And so we move forth on our journey together, no seeking a destination, but the road ahead and all that it has in store for us. We embrace each moment with gratefulness and serenity and can't wait to unwrap the gift of each day as the morning sun kisses the horizon and we don our road gear once again.
Positive thinking, positive reasoning, positive living... ain't nothing wrong with that and ain't nothing gonna change my mind either.
A friend of mine wrote the following as his "question of the day" and I had to "borrow" it for this note.
"Do friendly, optimistic and hope-filled people tend to come off as clueless and unaware as in " not really getting that REAL LIFE can be hard, depressing and just nasty? "
Well my friends... what do you think?