All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy,painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.


My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit
out of the medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss.
How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(Ya think!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so
I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees (cold wax, yeah,right).

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin tight and pull.
It works! Okay, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.
I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-Rah, fighter
of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini
line, covering the right half of my 'hoo-hoo' and stretching down to
the inside of my butt cheek (yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply
and brace myself.....RRRRIIIIIPPPPP!!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP!!!!

Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!! Everything is whirly and spotted. I
think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???

Breath, breathe...okay, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.

CRAP!!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...
remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
DANG!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.
'Hoo hoo'?? sealed shut!
Butt?? sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to
figure out what to do and think to myself, 'please don't let me get the urge to poop.
My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!!!
Hot water melts wax!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the water should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now,the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together
is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, does not melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement epoxied myself to the porcelain!!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a
phone put in the bathroom!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.
It's a very good conversation starter.

'So, my butt and hoo-hoo are glued together to the bottom of the tub!!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,
'are we talking cheeks or hoo-hoo?'
She laughing out loud by now...I can hear her as I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH RIGHT!!!

I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace...the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to loose at this point? I rub some on and
OH MY GOD!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!!! It works!!!

I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up.I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color...

LoL that was funny.

I feel sorry for you I can't believe I could imanage the pain.

Did you take Picturers!!!!!!!!!! Lmao.

Sorry

OMG, I've got tears running down my face from laughing so hard! No Brazilian wax job for this girl. Sorry, I like my bush!

And that's why I just use the razor on the twins in the shower....

Every since I had a candle knocked over and the wax ran on my hairy forearm and someone pulled it off. I avoid with a wide distance, burning candles filled with hot wax!!!! I can't imagine anyone putting it anywhere and then RIPPING it off... That's insane!! And they call "Waterboarding" Torture????? Please, just shoot me instead..... That was a good one Chywolf.... Thanks....

Oh wow, and I thought hot wax was for...
LMAO! Thank you!

ur a peach ,lol

who in the hell ever said ....No Pain..No Gain, had never been around hot wax

Dragon

Oh man,that is just not good at all. But funny like when people fall on ice and you laugh out loud before asking are you alright :-)

OMG!! I can barely type! I have tears running down my face and I can't stop laughing! I'm sorry! I really am! But I am one of those that do wax and I could not have even imagined this scenario in my wildest nightmares! Let me say the first mistake was cold wax. And if you ever have the inclination to try this again try some GiGi microwaveable wax and linen strips. Good luck!

Geesh. Brutal. A glutton for punishment. Hell, a woman after my own heart. haha

One word... NAPALM! I know a few good men that would do a fly by for ya and knock that underbrush down

That is funny!

Hot wax could be fun... But I recommend "natural" hot wax, It melts at a cooler temperature.

Sorry to hear about that painful experiance, but thank you so much for the laugh. I hope you find a better solution soon.

Chy I am soooo sorry, but I am crying and my cheek bones hurt so bad from lauging.....Had to read this story to my mother also..Course Mom being who she is had to ask why are you doing this in the winter time any way. No bikini wearing...God bless Mom....Had us both crying and feelng your pain with you.. Great Story telling

Been off and on the site through the day. Saw this thread earlier and just browsed through the responses without reading your story...Just read it and my grandsons think I;m friggin nuts from LMAO.

My ribs are still sore from laughing!!! great story chywolf!!!

Now, that was a great story...sorry for your pain, but thanks for the laughs...you are a true sport for sharing this story.

Chywolf? ha ha aha ha that's a double knee slapper, but really you should consider writing comedy, that was a very funny, discriptive piece of writing...