I'm with you Debra! I'm ready to rock and roll!! I wanna rock and roll till I'm stuck in the ground some where or my ashes are scattered in my garden!!

  Well, Yes I was hoping for a better year but here I go again,,    I was reciently Divorced after 25yrs, he left me for his meth dealer and Married her,, I got a no contact order for my son and I,,  He was having a very hard time dealing with loosing his Dad,,  I put us in counsling for a year and that has helped him,, not sure about me yet,, lol       He has to have back surgery next month at 15,, My aunt whom was like a Mother to me was just put into Hospice yesterday so I will be staying down there till her time here is over,,   My son goes in Monday for evaluation and to set up surgery,,    I cant work right now for my son and aunts health, that is very hard, they are forclosing on our home,,  I just wait for what comes next,,

 BUT, I am very Greatful and most always have a smile on my face,,  I realized I cannot stomp my feet or choke someone,,and change things,, doesn't work,,lol      I just keep a positive out look and hope for the best,, what else can ya do,,

  So to all that are struggling,, keep your head up no matter what,, It could be worse,,    :) :) :) :) :) :) :)~~          I try and look at the bright side but I haven't found one yet,, lol     

You are an inspiration for the rest of us!
Good luck to your boy with his surgery, let us know how he makes out. And, I'm sorry to hear you are loosing your Aunt. Hospice is a wonderful organization and will make sure she does not suffer at all. I have worked with them many times and had them here for my Mom and a friend of mine that came to stay with me until his time was done.
Let us know how you are doing, so we can keep tabs on you and be a support system to you too!

Thanks AdventureGirl and sidetrack, it was actually a long time ago. Things are pretty good now my daughter and I have a good relationship and her mom and I even get along at this point. I hope you guys continue to look at the positives and wish you luck with the the hardtimes coming up.

I will say a positive prayer for you and your family.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
"anything can happen if you really believe"

Wow. I just came on to this site. I don't have much to say at the moment as I need to get to bed so I can drive to the swap meet in the morning. But I would like to offer a saying that I try to live by and is printed on my business cards "The bend in the road, is not the end of the road, unless you fail to make the turn". There are some very tight life turns we have on this journey, with support (& for me, a higher power) we can tuck our knees in and roll on.

love that lady dragon.thats what lifes about

SIDETRACK: You are an admirable woman! Yes, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Our wants may be off track, and our needs are met. Despite our protests and fist pounding, things turn out the way they should, and we are right where we're supposed to be. I've learned to "Let go and let God."

I was married to a man for 21 years who abused me mentally, verbally, emotionally, and spiritually. He called me names, "brainwashed" me into thinking I was stupid, worthless, and unable to survive on my own. I was scolded, controlled, micromanaged, and manipulated. I wasn't "allowed" to go out with my friends for an evening, let alone for a weekend away. I worked full time and raised our 2 kids 99.9% (he at least gave me credit for that!) on my own. Needless to say, I snuck behind his back and put myself on the back of my friend's bike for some therapy on wheels.

I finally divorced him in 2005 and it was legally finalized in 2007. I broke off the shackles and spread my wings. I learned to ride my own bike in 2008. When my family met my b/f who is a 1%er, I was rejected and banned from joining the family as long as I was with him. Unfortunately, my daughter rejected me too. My son "tolerates" my lifestyle, but does not accept it.

Anxiety: Yup! When I was married, I had absolutely no money worries! He makes 3.5x more than I do, and still tries to manipulate me, telling me I should pay for this and that for our kids, that he is hurting and sacrificing!!! Meanwhile he takes 4 vacations per year (he'll be going to New Zealand this June!!), attends 16-20 Dodger games per year in seats that cost $380 per game, and just finished remodeling his kitchen and bathrooms. Meanwhile, I haven't had a raise since the early 1990s, got a 9% cut in pay back in the 90s, looking at a 2% cut in pay between now and May, and being threatened with a 12% cut starting in September! I bought a house that I love after I got my 1/4 of the estate after divorcing (he's a CPA and manipulated the numbers till I ended up with only 1/4), but can't afford heating, air conditioning, drapes, or to make repairs, and I haven't been on a vacation since I was married.

Despite my situation, I am eternally grateful for what I have! I have a home filled with positive energy, I am no longer (nor will I ever be, ever again) in an abusive relationship, I have a b/f that adores and respects me, I have my bike and a luxurious car, I am surrounded by people who love me, I have a job during this recession, and the list goes on!!!

Sidetrack, I'm with you! Blessings and love to you,
"Brat"

Candyride, I wonder why our stories are almost exactly the same and we're just meeting now?
Haha, my divorce is still in the works and the manipulations and abuse still continue...but only when I forget than I no longer need to let it continue, he's got nothing on me anymore.
But I become stronger each day, and have welcomed people into my life who love me without feeling the need to change me to fit thier picture of who I should be. About every other day I remember to have faith in myself and that I am on the right path in finding myself and becoming the strong capable woman I am meant to be. I know that living out the rest of my life true to myself is no longer negotiable so I can give my sons, and the world the best of what I have to offer...which is so very, very much.
Welcome, thank you for sharing your story, and good luck.
Steph

Don't know how many of y'all are aware of my stalker issues, been going on for a year next month, please refer to my blog if you care for details, this post is to celebrate a little gumption...

Out last night with one of my best friends, blowing off steam as A LOT has gone on in both of lives the past few weeks, we laugh like hell and always have a blast, sold Harley's together, etc... We both are pretty awsome alone, but together... intimidating as hell, haha
After a few drinks and games of pool we were both feeling feisty and honestly, yes, looking for trouble. The crap with the stalker has also escalated a lot over the past three weeks, my lawyer sucks and i've pretty much said whatever and to hell with the legal routes. Every man who said he'd handle anything with this scumbag has let me down, the pool hall we both played on a league on asked ME to stay away about 4 months ago, cops always get to my house AFTER the f'er sneaks away etc.
Caught him sneaking around last week and lost it, grabbed my gun, threw open the door started yelling @ the MF'er, scared the piss out of him and he ran off. The next day i talked to some biker friends and instead of just bitchin' i asked them specifically to go talk with him (they haven't yet, I don't think...) but I KNOW they will.
Anyway so last night my girlfriend and i decided to go to the pool hall, i mean, the restraining order and all is in limbo STILL, my excuse was that i figured that the owners old request wasn't valid anymore either, haha!
Walk in and the f*** is there with his skanky adultering slut of a girl (it's true, and she's the reason he fought the order instead of just agreeing to leave me alone, the bitch LOVES some drama), My pal and I sit down, order a shot and a drink for last call, everybody is just watching and waiting to see what happens.
The owner comes over, gives me a hug, the dick, says i shouldn't be there... i told him "sorry, but why? If it's an issue go ahead and call the cops, pull me out in cuffs, that will be hilarious, THEN let'ssee what happens", but i'd gladly go to jail and get this rolling again! My girl starts listing off the cops and sherrif's she and i are friends with, the slut storms in and out, in and out throwing a little tantrum, and the stalker looks so angry, he goes outside to smoke and powow with about 6 people and the owner. She and i are just smiling, laughing, hugging on the folks i haven't seen in months, that keep walking up to queen Steph, sitting at the bar like this nite is normal...
Owner comes back over, we tell the owner ok we'll leave (it was 2:15 am after all, haha!) after i hit the restroom...
While i'm gone she lists the 15 alcohol violations he will be cited for, she mentions that I know exactly who is dealing crap to him outta the bar, that all the law has to do is walk in and the bar would never recover financially enough to reopen, call the law on me! She also asks the owner to tell the stalker that I AM going to have police follow him, will only take a day or two to bust him for embezzling $ from his folks company, bust him and both of his freaking dealers, AND his friends, that I do know where his parents live and should go have a sit down with his mom (who i really do like and respect and she is the reason he's been lucky about how i've handled this, i'm a mom too, i've been protecting HER), that if I ever got arrested or feel for one second a victim EVER again, the bar, owners, stalker, slut will have all kinds of hell falling around them. It's time for the stalker to sign and agree to leave me alone, NOW! Period! No more playing, because STEPHANIE IS DONE!

She and i smile, finish our drinks with laughs and so much pleasure. We wlk out, because IT WAS A FABULOUS NITE!
Asshole owner IS shaking in his boots, we gave facts last night, not threats. And I took matters in my own hands. I am on top of the world today. No negative repercussions can fall on me as i did not one thing wrong last night. MFing stalker is shaking in his boots. And if his addict ass gets crazy enough to come to MY house ever again, he knows without a shadow of a doubt what i will without a second thought do to him, if he follows me around in his car ever again, he will too be followed, and if any harm or duress ever falls on me again because of him and him NOT signing those papers Monday, he will not live a life long enough to lose that regret.
I do not feel like a victim today, at all. And all I( had to do was let the asshole know my intentions.
Today, i AM a new woman. And all it took was the supportive strength of another woman like you ladies.
Thank you gals, I love you all, and am proud to feel I can stand beside your ranks.

Had to reread my own post, I'm stll floating on how proud of myself I am. And it only took 39 years...lol!

Given what you have been through you should be proud!! Don't put up with anything from anyone you don't like! :)

Reading through the posts, I am meek. It is unbelievable what you ladies have gone through, are going through. My whining about trivialities such as the weather causes me to feel shame. I have a lucky life, divorced but not a bad divorce. He was an alcoholic and gambler but a heck of a nice guy...but I did not want to live that way and did not want the arguments to escalate. That is it for trauma in my life. Never remarried but I meant to...my defense is that he has not found me yet!
Congrats to you ladies who have overcome being victimized, who are fighting to regain their lives. My helmet's off to you!

Life is tough for all of us, the scale doesn't really have relevance. The lessons we share hopefully protect and teach each other, make us stronger and bind us together as the family we are all becoming. Spider, I am sure I speak for all of us in thanking you for your encouragement and support.
Independantly we are good, together, we can all be great.
xox,
Steph

You are right Steph, there is no balancing of the fairness scales. You do not need me to say this but you did right girl. I am proud to know you. BTW I hope I never piss you off. LOL

I protect people. I try to help mend heal thier weaknesses and I keep thier secrets, I will do this for everyone I care at all about, and i will do this forever for the deserving. I am "the Mother" in every crowd I've ever been in, it's just who I am.
I am more honest, loyal and true than most anyone i know, because that is what i crave to find in others,
But yes, eventually, if that love and loyalty that I give so nakedly is abused, I WILL allow someone to bury themselves and I will just stand back and watch the world take care of those of us who are good. Sometimes the universe just needs a little help to get the right information into the right hands. And I do know a few people

Don't worry, I've got your back baby!
                      

Hang in there girl...tough times, they come and go, sometimes you have to stay in them awhile, but they do go. As a single mom with one of those no good baby daddys, I know hard times when it comes to money, and just trying to meet the basic needs. I shed alot of tears at times and find that there is a weariness to my soul, but I also know what gets me through...Just to sturborn to give into it all, got to make it cause I dont know how to give up. keep your chin up, the spring has to bring better days.

If there's anyone who will beat the beast back; It's you...No doubt in my mind  

Single Mother her of now two teenagers, but they where 5 and 6 when I got divorced. I handled my own then because I was making decent change..... not a lot but enough to take care of my kids and have a little extra to put in the bank. NOW, my son is 18 and going to graduate this year, my daughter will be 17 this summer and graduate next year. I have been laid off more times then I care to count and I have been working the same job currently for 2 1/2 years. Due to the economy, I am not getting paid what I am worth, even if it is needed no OT is authorized so I work my 8 and go home and it is tough to pay the bills and I don't have any credit cards. Just rent, utilities and groceries and the stuff the kids need like clothes and all the stuff that is not paid for in school like it was when I was going to school. I don't think I have slept through the night once in over a year, go to bed and still wake of at 4 AM worrying how I am going to get everything paid for and God Forbid that something breaks or goes wrong, because there is nothing left in a savings account. Still single and would not mind a partner, lover, friend to share with, but not looking for a sugar daddy!