OK being new to this humor forum here is my meager attempt...

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Does the name Quasimodo ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well, red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A motorcycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory but couldn't get the film developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done

I have used many of these but can not take credit for the compilation. Got them in an email from a friend. Also my favorite humor, word play. One of my favorite comedians is Norm Crosby, the master of Malaprop

Yep, mine too. Funny stuff!

Great Job Rex................................... 

Very good Mate..........lol

Poultry in Motion.......LOLOLOL Good stuff!

waiting for the second installment!

ATTA BOY Mike.. that was a great post.. you are really catchin on to this humor posting!!

What she daid. LOL!

As I have seen the years pass somethings seem to strike my attention, and mybe yours also.

  When camping the sexual intercourse seems more in tents.. JMHO Howard  
                                                                             

Good one Howard!!!!