Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.

The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.

Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin'.

You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You think genitalia is an Italian airline.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You keep empty beer cans in your fridge for your friends that don't drink.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

You buy your jewelry at the hardware store.