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Americans With No Abilities Act
Topics: 128 Posts: 1085
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99Savage wrote about 1 year ago Pending Legislation - Americans With No Abilities Act Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans: The Americans With No Abilities Act. (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. 'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.' In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability. Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%).. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%). Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires. Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?' 'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Ken Miller, who lost his position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember 'rightey tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Miller added. With the passage of this bill, Miller and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.' |
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webby wrote about 1 year ago Funny 99 |
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takarabennett wrote about 1 year ago I love it! hysterical. |
Topics: 15 Posts: 800
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blurplebuzz wrote about 1 year ago where can I sign up at?? ...hehe...:) ______________________ I aint here for a long time, I'm here for a good time
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Carrie1957 wrote about 1 year ago Wow!!! I thought this already existed.... how else did these idiots get jobs?? ______________________
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sjsak1 wrote about 1 year ago Why wouldn't I be the least bit suprised at this? |
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Finally a law for the people!!!!!!!! |
Topics: 6 Posts: 548
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Chaz wrote about 1 year ago This explains a lot now. ______________________ Chaz
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson |
Topics: 1 Posts: 519
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Steven wrote about 1 year ago Finally I can now see the light at the end of the funnel; oh wait what was it again? |
Topics: 1 Posts: 188
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JDub54 wrote about 1 year ago Damn, I don't qualify. |
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hgsc90 wrote about 1 year ago Just my luck.! A job "They" would not say OVER Qualified but over Educated.. |
Topics: 3 Posts: 513
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RufCut wrote about 1 year ago hgsc90 wrote...
Just my luck.! A job "They" would not say OVER Qualified but over Educated..I've seen many people with lots of education and still no abilities whatsoever!   |
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Topics: 11 Posts: 3722
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hgsc90 wrote about 1 year ago My supervisor engineer could tell you all about water but not why his feet got wet in the restroom. |
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Topics: 6 Posts: 120
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Carrie1957 wrote about 1 year ago Once again... common sense is NOT common.. ______________________
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Topics: 1 Posts: 6
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HDRyderz64 wrote about 1 year ago Wow!!! |
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HDRyderz64 wrote about 1 year ago, Modified about 1 year ago Only in America! |
Topics: 20 Posts: 1482
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Seakers wrote about 1 year ago Maby we can get this revised to include laziness as well so people can sit there and get payed and never get drug tested for anything and still multiply and get more money...... O wait that is there as well. ______________________ If You Can't Stand Behind Our Troops, Feel Free To Stand Infront of Them! |
Topics: 29 Posts: 518
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GoFur wrote about 1 year ago Very funny. Guess I should have read the category of "humor" or the comments, cause I'll admit at first I thought it was real. But I guess I'm not the only dumb country boy cause a number of people asked snoops.com about it... http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/noabilities.asp ______________________ GoFur Don't Matter What You Ride, As Long As You Ride!
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